evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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