I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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