Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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