Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
