Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
