OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
