Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
