a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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