Sry I called you an 8
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
