Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
