How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
