You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
