The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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