This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
farters have to be the big spoon...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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