Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
