guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
