This girl is more easily done than said...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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