She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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