i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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