Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
