i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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