You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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