is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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