Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize