I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
MIDGETS
????
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
