His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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