It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
