i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
