He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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