Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
