just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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