walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize