According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I am mentally ready for anal.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
