you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
