all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
