I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
