i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
