i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
