how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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