Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
