I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
