glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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