My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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