People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
