The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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