Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
