It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
