I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
