Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
