Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
