evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
