We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i will never coherently bang her
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
