he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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