My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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