....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
