i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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