girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize