just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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