The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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