Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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