FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
