alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
