After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
