Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
