you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
