I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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