wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
