I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
this just has baby written all over it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
there is glitter all over my balls
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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