I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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