holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
