toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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