there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
