Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
